Twisted feeling

how issit like to hav these emotion and feelings together.

disappointed, upset, confused..

yet happiness take place too..

this is crazy, this twisted feeling...pls make it stop, its making me crazy.

End.

The within

i seriously dont know what do i want now, or what am i thinking now.

moody, devastated, tired, pressure...and much more..

sigh....

end..

Things that cant be described.

Life is hard if you are in the situation where the future people and your family needs you.

I am the eldest son of my family, but what does that have to do with my life?
I practically have to spend my time in the factory or company while i dont know whether that is called holiday or not.

I am working for free, in the sense of helping around as a clerk in my dad's company.
I seriously dont mind about the salary and stuff because i know this is what i am doing for, i am doing for my better future.

But...time is getting shorter as i have to leave malaysia and my love behind..
I want to spend time with her and i know that she is desperate in needing me too.

What more can i do? I have tried my best to persuade my dad but still, he is a stubborn man who never listen and only stand on his own way.

I am not complaining about working and stuff, but at least give me some time for me with my love, as ill be leaving soon.

1 month wont be enough for me, as now we practically only meets each other not more than 3 times a week. Duplicate it 4 times that will only be 12 days.

I bought 2 books which is important and related to business stuff, and my dad was like, "why buy that wo, should this and that, bla bla bla, sigh...why does he have to shower me with cold water all the time...?"

Spending time alone without her is like sleeping on the bed where the soul begin to wandering around aimlessly.

My life is never interesting, but she lighted up my path and showed me whats fun and love are made of.

But strange, i dont feel warm, my heart wanders around all the time..i dont even know what am i doing now or what am i crapping here, all i know is the purpose of living isnt to be sad nor dull.

Dont be cool with me, cause i cant coupe with the temperature.

While replying, attention and the sense of love matters, lack of words and feelings inside a message will lead an opening sadness to the heart.

I choose my words carefully and will repeat myself if you want me to.
I apologize if the words i chose isnt relevant nor satisfy you.

Words may mean nothing to you, but your words to me affects my emotion and my feeling.

Sigh, what can i do or who can i ask for help when i am in need for help.

I need some one to talk to me, happily, cheerfully, considerate, caring, and the tone that i feel warm...all the time..

Although i am a HE, but that makes no sense that i should force myself to feel tough or happy when i am not.

I am still a human, who needs affection and tender from you like others do.

Partner shares the amazing bond together where not everyone will have.

As always, 3 words to you..my love...

ENd..

Everyday is adventurous

Went fishing on monday instead of going out with friends for badminton.

Wanted to play badminton badly so i tried to persuade my gramp but failed.

Well, i wouldnt say thats bad as fishing is quite fun too, though playing badminton would be better as most of my friends are leaving ipoh soon.

Well anyway, its quite adventurous though.
Not to mention about the smell in my gramp friend's car, it stinks to the max.

Imagine the smell of chicken, fish, vegetables and etc all mixed to become a pungent smell.
Thats not all, further more we are trapped inside that car with aircorns on, windows closed and trip from ipoh to sungai siput.
*Haha, my cousin seong min complained to me about the smell and he is a bit unlucky as he has to sit on the box because not enough of space..*

Yes...thats a nightmare, otherwise the whole trip would be nice.

Caught some fishes, big fishes!!
I was quite proud as i caught the most expensive and largest fish that anyone in that trip has ever did!!

Thumbs up! As that fish will cost about RM50 to RM 60+
If that fish is 1kg+, the price might be increased to RM100~150

After fishing, we planned to take the same muddy route and guess what, we got stuck in a big muddy hole.

Lucky for us, a worker helped us out with a crane pulling the car backwards and it turned out to be success.

OK, thats all for fishing then..

At night, i went out with my friends to have lok lok after having dinner with my sis and her friend in greentown old town kopitiam. *Threw her back home before going to lok lok with my cousin and my friends though* xD

A bit quarrel with the gf but we solved the problem out later though.
Yes yes, we *sa fa chiong - in cantonese* all the time. =P
Wouldnt say its her fault though, as her bf, i should spend more time with her and understand the loneliness that she is feeling inside, but still, i dont know why i still tends to freak out when i know she is going out, alone, with other guys.

Hey dont laugh at me, not funny!!! Dont tell me that non of u guys will feel that way!

Well...its late now...should complete this blog earlier but i procrastinated till 3.23am.. xD

*ill get alot of scolding from my gf for staying up late, for sure...* GULPSSS~

End

1 - sep - 2008

Its 12.30 am now, and i have to work on tuesday till the end of the month.
I might get some holidays from my dad as there might be some event happening..

But what i fear the most is, when i were to leave malaysia, what should i do and what will she do?
Yes, i trust her, its jz that, when she physically needs me to be by her side, how can i do that?
I am a pathetic bf who tends to call her only in distance.

I wanted to do all sort of things with her just to extend our bliss of happiness that being stored in our memories which will last forever.

I am tired, physically tired, sleepy and i am exhausted.
But this feeling i carrying, will never be tired and will continue to stand till the day i die.

I have to work, she have to study, i have to go back to aus and she have to miss me in malaysia.
Yes, distance relationship is hard, but i tend to keep this in mind, true love never dies.
You supported me when i am in trouble and still love me dearly when i was away.
You already gave me every single thing that you have, what more can i ask?

I ask for your love,
I ask for your time,
I ask for your tender,
I ask for your attention,
I ask for your relationship,

and you gave me all the things that i ever asked and ever thought of having it.

Smiles on your face while your eyes looking straight into my eyes, this feeling, its just too beautiful.

Do not forget the smile that i gave you kay?
Promise?

I love you..

End..

Today's Today

Falling asleep beside her feels like eternity joy.

I wish i could watch her sleep, but as soon as i was on my bed, i am fast asleep..Lol..

I wish i could hug her till tomorrow, watching her closing her eyes, saying good night with kisses that represents the heart shape within us, with love with joy which that will be the absolute bliss of happiness like there is no tomorrow..

Q. Do u know why i always wanted to hug u infront of the mirror?
A. Its Because i want you to remember the thing which is happening now will always be the same. No matter what happens, death, sick or even getting old, will never change my feelings towards you.

=)

End

40 minutes till its over

Had dinner and stuff, yes, theres birthday pictures and my cake too, haha...lazy to post the picture here.

Ill promise to post when im free!

Although its my birthday, but i seriously dont feel much fun and happiness like i used to have.

I dont know why though, but i feel very uncomfortable, mayb i amsick...that explain why then.

Thanks for everything that god has gave me, ill treasure the moment and memories with feelings until the day i die..

End..